


Let It Go

by starringhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Businessman Phil AU, Chaptered, Dan Howell - Freeform, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Original Character(s), Phan - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, Pretty Much Just Sad Everyone, Sad Dan Howell, Sad Phil Lester, Slow Build, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:08:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10005533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starringhowell/pseuds/starringhowell
Summary: let ·it ·go/let it ɡō/idiomto not act, refrain, forbear; to stop trying to control something---Phil Lester, recognized genius and CEO of one of the biggest corporations in the world, had no idea what he signed himself up for when he hired the attractive young Dan as his new secretary. Little did Phil know, the events ahead of him would shatter his heart, especially the realization that he wouldn't want anyone but Dan by his side. But does Dan feel the same way? Phil finds himself intrigued by the dark backstory of his seemingly harmless secretary, wondering if Dan might have a dangerous motive for staying by Phil's side--a motive that could take someone's life.





	1. Chapter 1

Phil leaned back in his chair and stretched his lanky arms upwards, letting out a lazy yawn. He smiled softly to himself as his arms fell back and laced his fingers behind his head. His life was pretty damn great, he decided.

The golden evening sunlight from the huge, glass paneled windows behind his desk flooded into his impeccably clean workspace, glinting off of his sterling silver Tiffany & Co. ballpoint pen.

Yeah. _Sterling silver_. It had cost him a whopping 165 pounds, which, to be fair, was practically nothing to Phil.

He picked up the sleek utensil, twirling it in his fingers as he counted his blessings. He didn’t take any of this for granted, that’s for sure. He worked hard to get where he was, and he was fully and completely aware that his job accounted to nearly all of his aforesaid greatness. Lester, Inc. was his entire life, and he thought, fondly, that he wouldn’t want it any other way.

But then, it wasn’t _all_ hard work that got him where he is now. Phil Lester would be a complete nobody if he wasn’t, well, a genius. His parents always knew he was one of the smarter kids in his class, and he couldn’t help but suspect from an early age that he was different from everyone else. But no one ever expected that he’d make it here.

See, Phil invented the reverse microwave--which does exactly what you think it does. Instead of heating up food quickly, it simply cools food down in about the same amount of time it would take you to cook a Hot Pocket. Phil came up with the design while he was studying at university, barely thinking anything of the patent. When it was released to the public, though, it was an instantly huge hit. And as you’d expect, a design in such high demand had made Phil pretty damn rich.

Though he hadn’t done it all on his own, of course. Lily had helped him...a lot.

When her name crossed his mind, Phil eyes instinctively flickered down to the tattoo on his inner wrist. He bit his lip, trying to ignore the pain that always tugged at his heartstrings when he thought of her. The tattoo was there to remind him of everything he had lost, and how much he had hurt her. But none of that mattered now.

_She hates you_ , he thought sternly to himself, trying to push memories of her to the back of his mind.

“Excuse me, Mr. Lester?”

Phil quickly pulled his sleeve down to cover the tattoo and sat up straight in his chair, straightening his tie.

“Yes, Janet?” he called out to his secretary, bringing his thoughts back to reality.

“The client is here to see you.”

Phil looked up with a blank stare to see Janet standing calmly in his doorway, the silhouette of an unfamiliar man barely visible behind her. Janet pursed her lips at his clueless expression, resisting the urge to sigh.

“Did you forget again, sir? You’re scheduled to interview an applicant for the new secretary position, Mr. Lester.”

Phil rolled his eyes at the blatant annoyance in her tone, throwing her a stony glare. He couldn’t wait to replace her.

“Of course I remember, Janet," Phil lied. "Bring him in and then leave us alone.”

Janet scoffed and bowed mockingly, leading the man behind her into Phil’s office and closing the door behind her with a little too much force, causing it to slam. Phil groaned at her antics, muttering under his breath as his eyes focused on the email popping up in his inbox.

“Wow,” the man remarked as he walked further into the room. “I can see why you’re interviewing for a new secretary.”

“Yeah, she’s a pain in the ass,” Phil laughed, forgetting for a moment that he’s meant to be the stern, always-formal CEO of one of the biggest corporations in the world.

Phil cleared his throat, finally looking up from his computer to see the man he was meant to interview. His breath unexpectedly caught in his throat when his eyes met the man’s gorgeous, honey-brown ones, and Phil couldn’t bring himself to look away.

Wait.

Gorgeous? What the hell was he thinking? Phil was definitely _not_ gay.

Still, he couldn’t help but look the man up and down, taking in everything about him. He was incredibly tall, like Phil, and seemingly a few years younger. He was clad in a black leather jacket and similarly dark jeans, which seemed unfitting for an interview but Phil found it oddly stunning. Chestnut colored hair swept across his forehead, and his pink lips were parted a little, almost in amazement.

Phil had no idea know how long they stared at each other, but eventually the silence in the room became too much to bear and he forced himself to speak.

“Why don’t you have a seat, Mr.…”

“Howell,” the man filled in quickly, an adorable pink blush spreading across his cheeks as he slid into a chair across the desk from Phil. “Dan Howell.”

_Adorable_? _Jesus, Phil, keep it in your pants_ , he scolded himself.

“So, Mr. Howell, what brings you here today?”

Dan snickered a bit at the question, as if its answer was obvious. “Well, I’m here to interview for the secretary position, clearly.”

Phil usually would’ve slapped the client upside the head for talking to him like that, but something held him back.

“I guess that was kind of a stupid question,” Phil laughed uneasily, rubbing the back of his neck. Why the hell did he feel uneasy in his own office? He was the damn CEO, for crying out loud!

“Tell me about yourself, Dan.”

Phil looked down at his clipboard, mindlessly jotting down a few words. He tried to keep up his usual act of being uninterested and far superior to the interviewee, though he felt about as powerless as ever right now.

“Well, okay. My name is Dan Howell--I mean, I already told you that, sorry. I live here, in London, just moved here actually. I, um, I live by myself...shit, that’s probably not something you care to know. Oh God, did I just curse? I’m so sorry, Mr. Lester, I just--”

Phil interrupted him with a hearty laugh, and Dan looked up at him apologetically. The poor man looked so helplessly nervous that Phil was overtaken with sympathy. He just wanted to climb over the desk and give Dan a huge bear hug.

Then he realized what he’d just thought, and he massaged his forehead anxiously. Phil Lester was _never_ sympathetic. He was stone cold, hard rock, intimidating. Phil’s knuckles turned white as he gripped his pen, and he knew that if this interview went on a second longer he’d probably do something he’d end up regretting.

“You can go.”

Phil’s winced as he heard his voice come out as a sort of timid croak.

“I--I’m sorry? Did I do something wrong?” Dan asked, and Phil could hear the frown in his voice without even meeting his eyes.

“No, it’s just...the interview is over. You are free to leave.”

“I’m sorry to be pushy, Mr. Lester, but I don’t understand. You haven’t even asked--”

“You got the job,” Phil blurted, before he even realized what he was saying.

“I--” Phil heard Dan take a slow breath, and Phil looked up at him. Dan’s mouth was hanging open slightly with shock, but under Phil’s stare he realized and it morphed into a grin. “Wow. Thank you, Mr. Lester.”

Phil found himself smiling back at Dan, unable to resist. “Of course, Dan. I’ll be emailing you your schedule shortly. Thanks so much for coming in today.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Dan beamed, a new air of confidence about him. Phil swore he could see the brown-haired boy wink at him as he got up to leave, and his heart just about burst right then and there.

“I’ll be seeing you, Dan.”

“Can’t wait, Mr. Lester.”

“Dan?” Phil called on a whim, and Dan turned around, gripping the bag slung over his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Call me Phil.”

Dan smiled widely. “Will do, Phil.”

A moment passed as their eyes locked, neither knowing what to say.

“Uh, goodbye then,” Dan mumbled quickly on his way out the door, realizing that he’d been gazing at his new boss for just a moment too long. The door shut behind him, and immediately Phil let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“What the hell?” Phil said out loud, running his hands through his hair.

Phil had no idea what had come over him during the interview, and the uneasy feeling still hadn't left the pit of his stomach. He knew, deep down, that he was attracted to Dan. _Really_ attracted to Dan. And, to be honest, that scared the shit out of him. He’d been questioning his sexuality for a while now, but the encounter with Dan had pretty much sealed the deal. Letting out a long, slow breath, Phil stared down at his clipboard from the interview.

A few mindless scribbles, and a relatively large drawing right in the center of the paper--a heart with the letters “DH” in the middle.

He could almost feel the pit in his stomach widen, but Phil just exhaled and decided to let it go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first three chapters might be a bit short, as they are sort of like the "pilot" chapters. Hope you enjoyed!


	2. Chapter 2

The angry buzzing of Phil’s alarm shook him out of a pleasant dream, and he groaned, blindly feeling around on his bedside table for his glasses. He shut off his alarm and sat up groggily, his surroundings slowly fading into focus. Of course, the aforementioned “pleasant dream” was about Dan, and there were some inappropriate details he was not willing to recall. He used to love going to work, but somehow the thought of seeing his new secretary again made it almost dreadful.

 _Well_ , he mused, _maybe not dreadful. Just somehow incredibly stressful and exciting at the same time._

Phil groaned. He felt like a teenage girl with a crush.

 _And if him being incredibly attractive wasn’t enough,_ Phil thought, pulling on his socks, _he just_ has _to be a pain in the ass too._

Dan was one of the most trouble-making employees Phil had ever worked with. If it was _anyone_ else, Phil would’ve laid them off a long time ago. But somehow the tiny smirks and stolen glances from those gorgeous brown eyes made up for the countless times that Dan got on his last goddamn nerve.

Phil finished getting dressed and looked at himself in the mirror, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“Looking good, Lester,” he told himself cockily, straightening his tie and running a hand through his fringe before sauntering out the door.

Phil was fortunate enough that his apartment was just upstairs from his office (exactly how he’d requested it). He approached the embellished door, admiring his gold-engraved “CEO” plaque and exhaling contentedly. No annoying receptionists to wish him a bright, overly-cheerful “good morning”--just Phil and his work.

A head peeked quickly out of the neighboring office to his right, shocking Phil so much that he dropped his keys and let out a little yelp.

Correction: just Phil, his work, and _Dan._

“Morning, Phil. I came in early to finish up some work, aren’t you proud of me?”

“Good job, Dan,” Phil sighed, trying not to sound annoyed as he bent to pick up his keys. “But next time, please don’t scare the hell out of me this early in the morning.”

Dan laughed heartily, a beautiful sound that warmed Phil’s heart. His face softened as he gazed at Dan, once again enthralled by the man’s handsome features. But then Phil remembered the proposed business deal with Samsung that he was meant to respond to today, and he groaned.

“I have a lot of work to do today, Dan, so I’d appreciate it if you could leave me alone if possible. Thank you,” Phil said, trying to be as kind as possible.

Dan smiled politely, understanding. “Of course. I’ll leave you to your work then.”

Phil nodded, and Dan retreated back into his smaller, separate secretary’s office. Phil opened his door and immediately went to open the blinds, relishing in the feeling of the dewy morning sunlight filtering into his room. He puffed out a breath of air and sat neatly in his desk chair before powering on his computer. He was just about to begin his work when a familiar wail was heard from just outside his office.

"PHIIIL!”

Today was going to be a long day.

*   *   *

A few hours later, Phil’s blood was boiling.

Dan had been bugging him all day, and Phil was nearly at his breaking point. He couldn’t get through ten minutes of work without Dan needing this or that, saying that the coffee machine was broken or that his stapler had “mysteriously disappeared.” Phil was doing everything he could to stay calm, but he swore that if Dan called for him _one_ more damn time, he would--

“Oh, PhiiiiIIIIL!”

Phil slammed his hands on the desk, standing abruptly as anger flooded his veins. Cute or not, Dan was going to get what he deserved.

Phil stormed out of his office and straight into Dan’s, running a hand through his fringe in annoyance.

“ _What_ ,” Phil nearly growled, “do you need this time?!”

Dan just smiled innocently, shrugging his shoulders. “Nothing, really. Just wanted some company. So, how’s your day go--”

“Are you kidding me?!” Phil yelled, cutting Dan off and then reveling in his shocked expression. “I told you not to bother me today and that’s all you’ve been doing! Do you _want_ me to fire you? Because _believe me_ , I will!”

Dan sat for a moment, his shock fading into a nonchalant calmness that just made Phil even more angry.

“Do it.”

Phil raised an eyebrow at the boy’s response. “Excuse me?”

“You said, ‘Do you _want_ me to fire you?’, and then I said to do it.” Dan shrugs, and then laughs a bit, as if challenging Phil. “I dare you.”

Phil just stares, appalled at Dan’s boldness. He could fire Dan right here and now, and he’d never have to deal with him again.

But...he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. No matter how hard he tried, the two simple words got stuck in his throat.

“Do you know who I am?” he hears himself say instead.

“Yeah. You’re Phil Lester, CEO of Lester, Inc. and royal pain in the ass. So?”

Phil couldn’t even register what Dan was saying, thrown off by his carefree tone. No one ever had the nerve to talk to Phil like this, and Dan didn’t even seem afraid of consequences.

“You--you know I could crush you, right? I could publish one article on how insubordinate you are and you’d never get hired again. Is that what you want, Dan?”

Dan just looked up at him plainly. “You’re wrong. But no, that’s not what I want. I’ll get back to work now, if it would make you happy.”

“Yes, Dan, that would make me happy,” Phil managed, still in a state of disbelief.

“Good. Nice talk, I really enjoyed your company,” Dan winked, spinning around in his chair to face away from Phil. Without wasting a moment, Dan went straight back to typing away on his computer, acting like Phil wasn’t even there. Phil hovered for a moment, studying him. It was best to just let it go, he decided, and then uneasily made his way back to his office.

 _What the hell?!_ he thought, collapsing in his chair and burying his face in his hands. _Why can’t I just fire him?_

Phil knew the answer to that question, but he was too afraid to admit it to himself. He couldn’t...he was straight, right? He had only dated girls, and he’d been very happy with all of them. So why did he feel like... _this_?

Phil had an idea then, and sat up, glancing to make sure his door was shut safely. Then he typed into the Google search bar, his eyes scanning the page for the perfect link.

“What Is Your Sexuality? Male Edition Quiz.”

Phil bit his lip, taking a deep breath before clicking on the link. Before even looking at the questions, he promised himself that he would be as honest as possible.

Phil pressed “Start”.

“Question One: Which sex are you emotionally attracted to (who do you develop feelings for and get crushes on)?”

Phil sat back in his chair, thinking. He had definitely had crushes on girls before, most of whom he’d dated. But he’d never really felt strongly about a guy...until Dan.

He decided to click C: “Both, but girls more often.” That seemed like the most correct answer.

“Question Two: Which sex are you physically (and sexually) attracted to?”

Phil immediately felt a blush creeping up on his cheeks, remembering his dream from earlier this morning. And he had... _done stuff_ with past girlfriends. He swallowed and clicked answer C again: “Both equally.”

Phil read the next question over twice, biting his lip quizzically.

“Question Three: Which word do you like best?”

The answer choices were a series of strange words: same, different, most, all, etc. Phil didn’t know what to answer, so he looked around for inspiration. His office was intricately decorated with a perfect color scheme and impeccable symmetry. Everything was perfect--as close to the “same” as possible.

 _But,_ Phil thought, _is that really who I am?_

He glanced down under his desk to admire the mismatched socks peeking out from his gleaming dress shoes, and then smiled softly as his answer came to him. Phil had always been different, and he liked it that way.

He clicked B: “Different.”

“Question Four: Which sex do you get on best with (as friends)?”

Phil had never really had that many friends throughout his life. The closest he’d ever been to someone was Lily, and he always ended up hanging out with her and her group of girlfriends. Sometimes guys hung out with them too, but Phil was really just an acquaintance to all of them, never really a friend. It was mostly just him and Lily against the world.

Phil frowned, missing the feeling of companionship that came with having a group of friends. And Lily.

He took a deep breath. _You’re the CEO of Lester, Inc. You don’t need friends._

He quickly clicked answer choice I: “Girls.”

“Question Five: Who makes you sexually excited? (Who do you fantasize and desire about?)”

Phil’s cheeks went bright red at the last question. Immediately, Dan popped into his head, which should have been an answer enough. He read over the answers carefully, choosing the one he thought was most accurate.

“E: Both, I find both sexes physically and emotionally attractive. I desire sex with people of both sexes, but guys more.”

He took a deep breath before clicking. He was incredibly nervous to see his result, even though deep down, he already knew the answer. He wanted confirmation, and he was ready to find out once and for all.

Phil clicked.

“You got: Bisexual (Bi).”  

Phil let out a breath he didn’t even know he had been holding. He felt...relieved?

“You're bisexual, you are emotionally attracted to both sexes. You're not desperate, or greedy and more importantly you're still yourself. Bisexuality is your path to happiness, don't let anyone stand in your way!”

Phil felt a smile creeping onto his face. The quiz was absolutely right--his sexuality didn’t define him, all it meant was that he was attracted to both sexes. He was still himself, and he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

Phil Lester was bisexual. And he was...happy.

The clouds outside his window parted, almost on cue, and bright sunlight hit his skin. Phil smiled widely and stood at the window, looking out at the beautiful city of London.

He took all of the fear and sadness that had been bottled inside him, and there, in the shimmering glow of sunlight, Phil let those bad feelings go.

And it felt amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first three chapters might be a bit short, as they are sort of like the "pilot" chapters. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

Phil woke up to the faint smell of smoke.

He sat up immediately, the uneasy pit in his stomach causing his senses to be fully alert. Something was definitely wrong. He pulled himself out of bed, putting on his glasses and trying to stop the trembling of his hands.

He checked the time on his phone--2 o'clock in the morning. He groaned, wondering why he’d been awoken from his peaceful slumber at such an ungodly hour.

Then, the alarm went off.

The ear-splitting beeping from the smoke detector on his ceiling confirmed the severity of the situation, and Phil’s breath caught in his throat.

There was a fire.

And he was stuck on the top floor.

Phil’s building really wasn’t _that_ high; it was designed to be lower to the ground yet incredibly long. It was only four stories--three floors of offices and then Phil’s apartment on top. The problem was, though, that the exterior designers had omitted a fire escape from the design with the reason that it was too “unfitting” for the sleek Lester, Inc. building--and Phil hadn’t stopped them. He knew now that he’d never make that mistake again, but it was too late to fix anything now.

A crash from outside his door shook Phil from his thoughts, and he realized that if he didn’t get out now, he  would most likely die in this room. He rushed over to the door and felt it gingerly with the back of his hand. It was so hot he had to jerk his hand away.

_Oh my God_ , Phil thought, his heart rate speeding. _I can’t get out_.

Phil was nearly shaking with fear. He didn’t know what to do, and smoke was slowly and ominously curling over the top of his door and into his room.

“Help! Someone, please help!” he yelled, fear laced throughout his tone. “Please, anyone! There’s a fire, and...someone, please….”

Eventually his yells faded away, and he collapsed, helpless.

No one was coming to help him. Phil was going to die here.

“Phil!”

He sat up so quickly that the room blurred. He knew the smoke was getting to him.

“Phil! Phil, come out on the balcony!”

He obliged, stumbling a bit as he stood and pulled open his balcony door. He gulped the fresh air greedily when the glass finally slid open, and he stepped forward, looking down for the source of the yelling.

“Dan!” A feeling of abundant gratefulness overwhelmed Phil at the sight of his secretary calling up to him.

“Phil, you have to come down now, and make it quick. Try not to let anyone see you or hear you.”

“What?” Phil yelled. “Why can’t they--”

“Quiet!” Dan cut him off, and even from the balcony Phil could see the fear in his expression as he searched the street for anyone observing their conversation. “Just get down here, and _hurry_!”

Phil found it a bit odd that Dan was being so secretive in this situation, but he figured now was not the time to obsess about something like that, so he let it go.

“How? There’s no fire escape and my door’s blocked!”

Dan paced anxiously, running his hands through his hair. “I...I’ll think of something.”

Behind Phil, the raging flames broke through his bedroom door, and deadly tongues of orange and red hungrily tumbled across his room, engulfing his possessions at a steady rate.

The excruciating wave of heat hit him as he called out to Dan. “Dan, I don’t know what to do! If I stay here longer I’ll--”

“Jump! We don’t have time for anything else!”

“But--”

Phil was cut off by the shattering of glass in his room. He had a good 30 seconds before the flames reached him.

“Phil, I need you to listen to me and do exactly as I say. Get as close to the edge of the balcony as you can and swing your legs over. Let yourself dangle down off the edge so you land on your feet. Try to fall into this tree here to reduce the impact, and bend your knees on the way down just in case. I’ll catch you before you hit the ground.”

Phil did as he was told, gripping the bars of his balcony with white knuckles as he swung a leg over the edge. His other leg soon followed suit, and Phil’s weight fell to his arms, stretched taut and gripping the metal. He slid his hands down carefully, getting as low as possible to the ground without letting go of the balcony. He could hear the shattering of more glass, and the fear coursing through his veins was making it hard to think straight.

“Phil! You need to hurry! I’m right here to catch you!”

Phil took a deep breath. _It’s now or never_ , he thought.

And he let go.

Phil was falling through the air, wind whipping through his clothes and heat from the fire still warming his skin. He remembered to keep his knees slightly bent, like Dan had said, and he didn't even have time to worry before his thin frame smashed roughly into the tree. A branch struck his leg directly, and immediately Phil felt excruciating pain burning through his body in an indescribable sensation. The tree broke his fall slightly, but its branches seemed to split his skin open in countless places on the way down.

Before he hit the ground, he felt Dan’s toned figure collide with his own, deflecting the rest of Phil's fall sideways and wrapping his strong arms around Phil before they both tumbled to the ground in a mess of pained yells and lifeless bodies. Phil landed mostly on top of Dan's chest, who cried out loudly as his body took on most of the impact. Phil's right arm still collided with the street, though, and he could feel a shot of pain that seemed to spread throughout his entire being. The asphalt cut into Phil's skin even more as he rolled on the ground, and every part of his body throbbed with pain. When his momentum finally slowed, he came to a stop, breathing heavily, at the bumper of a random car parked on the street.

Phil was lying on his back, gasping to take in as much air as he could as the wind had been knocked out of him. He could already feel himself blacking out from the agony overtaking him. He was sure his arm had been broken in at least two places, as well as his leg, and his other ankle was most likely either sprained or fractured. But he was alive. And judging by the little cries of pain he could hear from the man lying beside him, so was Dan. They were both hurt badly, but they were alive.

“It’s going to be okay, Phi-Phil,” he could hear Dan choke out weakly between heavy breaths. “We’ll, we'll be okay.”

Phil tried to form a coherent response, but he was losing strength too quickly. He caught a glimpse of his home, his entire life, burning mercilessly above him, the onyx London sky illuminated by sickening shades of auburn destruction. The last thing he felt before he blacked out was Dan’s fingers gripping his arm gently, as a reminder that he was still here and everything was going to be fine. Then Phil’s last bit of consciousness slipped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapter being short, but now that the beginning is underway we can really get into the good stuff ;) Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
